


Tiny Bond

by Castillon02



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Shrinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-15 13:12:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13031865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Castillon02/pseuds/Castillon02
Summary: Q looked at where Bond was standing on his desk, all of three inches tall, naked except for a toga hastily formed out of Bond’s pocket square.





	Tiny Bond

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on tumblr for 007 Fest 2017!

Q’s tongue-lashing of his over-eager subordinate was long, biting, and left the tech barely holding back tears. “I trust that in the future you’ll think twice before deploying experimental technology without having completed the testing phases first. Dismissed,” he said finally, and the tech’s shoulders slumped in ill-concealed relief as she walked out the door. Not fired. Severely reprimanded, but not fired.

Why the hell wasn’t she fired? 

Then Q shut the door to his extremely sound-proof office. He looked at where Bond was standing on his desk, all of three inches tall, naked except for a toga hastily formed out of Bond’s pocket square. 

Q bit his lip. His eyes crinkled damningly. After only a few moments, he lost the battle and started to laugh. “Oh my god,” he kept saying, slapping his leg, with occasional utterances like “priceless” and “can’t believe” and “should’ve given her a fucking pay rise” added in for variety. 

Bond waited it out, fuming. “Are you done?” he asked once Q’s laughter had subsided. But his voice came out like a mouse’s squeak, and of course it set Q off again. 

“I’ll make a–a–hahaha–a customized voice modulator,” Q managed to get out between giggles. “Get you sounding a little bit more like yourself if you want.” 

“How. Long?” Bond growled in his squeaky mouse voice. 

Q’s smile faded a little. “I’m not sure. I can say that the effects most likely won’t be permanent, and my best guess is that you’ll be right-sized within the next thirty days. However, this is new scientific territory, and even I can’t predict how long you’ll experience this…phenomenon.” 

Bond scowled. “What am I meant to do in the meantime?” he asked. 

“That depends on you, of course,” Q said crisply. “But you’ll need some help; if you tried to get to your flat by yourself you’d be tread on, or cause an uproar, or both.” 

Bond glared. 

Q looked up at the ceiling, affecting an air of nonchalance. They both knew that Bond’s only other real babysitter options were Tanner and Moneypenny, and Tanner had kids and Moneypenny had a girlfriend. 

“Fine,” Bond grumbled. “You can stop me getting run over by a lorry. And figure out something new for me to wear! And are there even any books that are small enough for me to read while I wait for you to fix this?” 

Q smiled. “I should think a pocket-sized paperback would be manageable, though not ideal,” he said. “And I’ve seen some tiny novelty books before; I’ll try to get you some. No promises on the quality of your clothes; I don’t think we have a tailor with the right clearance. As for other things to keep you occupied, I should think it would be rather easy to build you an obstacle course maze…” He trailed off, a thoughtful look in his eyes. 

Bond could see the death traps now. “I’m not saying no,” he said, “but keep in mind that it would be exceptionally difficult for a doctor to operate on me if I were injured. And no mazes–I’m not a rat!”   

“No, you’re a rat’s arse who was messing with experimental technology!” Q said. “And you deserve every moment of handkerchief couture after all of the times you’ve snuck in here and bothered my techs and stolen my equipment!” 

Q’s vehemence sent a hint of suspicion eeling through Bond’s mind. “Q,” he said slowly. “I’m sure it was just a coincidence that I got hit with an experimental laser that managed to damage my pride more than anything else. Right?” 

“Of–of course,” Q said. He coughed, a light flush on his cheeks. 

“And I’m sure that you would never intentionally incapacitate a double-oh in order to teach him a lesson about keeping his hands to himself, right?” Bond continued, letting a hard edge leak into his voice now. 

“Oh, never,” Q said, but his eyes were crinkling again, and his lips were twitching, and it was only a moment before he was back to laughing. 

Q was damn lucky Bond’s gun hadn’t shrunk with him, or Bond might have shot him full of tiny PPK bullets. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! <3 
> 
> Constructive criticism is welcome. 
> 
> Also: this was started before she posted it, but check out BBR’s wonderful Eve Moneypenny art, which also features tiny Bond, with bonus tiny Q! (Maybe Bond was able to get his revenge :D) https://boredbeingregular.tumblr.com/image/163279975000


End file.
